How parents can help their children handle exam stress ?

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From a young age, children are encouraged to think that exams are supremely important and off-late, these exams are becoming quite competitive. In such a situation, when exam stress becomes too much, children tend to crumble. There are cases when students have attempted and even succeeded at suicide because their exam related stress went unnoticed.

However, with the help of some counseling and parental role in handling stress, students can certainly be helped. Since parents have a greater one-on-one opportunity with children, they will be able to deal with exam stress better. They can help their children handle exam stress at home and make sure that they don't crumble under the pressure. What are the different things that parents can do to make things better for their children?

To understand parent’s role during exams, let’s first understand what it means to be a student in this day and age. What are the common issues that the youth of today deal with? These rather ambiguous and vague questions tend to manifest themselves in your child’s behavior. Anger, anxiety, stress and so on are direct outcomes of exam pressure and the fight that comes along with it. While some competitive spirit may be healthy, sometimes the balance wavers, leaving both parents and children anxious and stressed.

Psychologists have noticed that often, these anxieties related to academic performance and its eventual effect on a child’s life stem from parents who, consciously or unconsciously, offload it on their child. And trust me, I have seen that too. Most of the times, students are cool, relaxed and composed where as the parents are all excited, tensed and tend to create anxiety!

Nevertheless, Parents can do a lot to reduce exam stress of their children. Doing away with stress does not seem to be possible these days. And during the exam months the stress levels for both the parents and child escalates like never before. In order to help the child cope with exam stress it is important for the parent to control their own stress levels and ensure that the kid is in peace of mind when he or she sits for the exams in the hall.

Behavioral experts and psychologists opine that a little amount of stress is rather good for the child as it helps them in a way to stay focused; Psychologist Brenda Bryant from the University of California says that stress itself is not a bad thing, “You are not really truly alive without stress, being challenged makes you learn new things and keeps your brain functioning. In all the major theories of learning, there is stress. But if stress is really interfering with development, that is a problem. Sometimes with too much stress kids get immobilized.”

Your child must obviously set the bar high, but his/her struggle for perfection is where the problem arises. One of the most important things you can do as a parent is establish a sense of positive self-esteem. You must help them put life into perspective, and help them experience stress, self-doubt and failure. Children at this age have a tendency to become obsessed with the present and tend to feel overwhelmed because they cannot see beyond the immediate problem. Help your child understand that problems have solutions. Stress can often be reduced by reminding them that life goes on and tomorrow can be better than today. Here are a few tips in my honest opinion that should help!

Lighten the Environment of the House:

There is no doubt about the fact that exams are a serious thing and need to be handled seriously as well. This calls for the enforcement of certain rules and a particular routine needs to be maintained. So adherence to discipline is a must. But in most of the times it is noticed that parents tend to go  overboard with the routine. They make such stringent rules that the kids feel literally tied down.

There is a talk of exams and studies during every hour of the house. Remember the kid also needs some relaxation and the persistent talk of studies will make the kid feel unduly pressurized as they grow to believe that there is no respite from this routine. They inevitably feel stressed out despite focusing enough on their lessons. Try not to make too many demands on your child during exam time. Arguments are counter-productive and will only add unnecessary stress and distract from revision.

Maintain the Regular Routine but Do Not act Like a Jailor:

As said in the earlier point, it is important to stick to the schedule as it ensures that there is a systematic routine to follow and the focus lies on all the subjects and the exercises. But while you encourage the kid to follow the routine make sure that you do not end up screaming when the kid relaxes one task on a given day and desires to focus on another or wishes to extend his play hour or break-time by another half-an-hour. Be firm but human in your approach. At the same time ensure that you are always available to the child. Help him deal with his doubts and problems and this will greatly lighten the stress burden when they know that you are there to help him in times of need.

Bribes, treats and rewards:

Some children are 'bribed' to do well in exams and are offered cash or gifts to achieve good grades. But bribery is not a good idea as it implies that the only worthwhile reward for hard work is money and that you don’t trust your child to work hard. Negative messages like these will affect your child’s sense of self-worth. Encourage your child to do well for his or her own sake rather than for money or to please you. Explain that exams aren't an end in themselves but a gateway to the next stage of life - to another Key Stage or to CGPA, A levels, university, college or work.

Good results are themselves the best reward for hard work and will make your child proud of his or her achievements. Make sure your child knows you're interested in their work and that you'll be proud if they do well. Although bribery isn't advisable, it's fine to provide small treats by way of encouragement - perhaps a piece of cake or some biscuits after a chunk of revision has been completed. The end of exams can be celebrated with a treat that everyone can look forward to, such as a meal out or a trip to the cinema.

Avoid Comparisons:

This is something most of the parents tend to do these days. Although unintentional, this can cause very long term impact on their kid’s self esteem. And other than the low self esteem, this begets a tendency in the kid to seek drive through comparisons which is a long term curse and takes a long time to undo. So, in all possible ways comparisons should be avoided. Not only should parents stop themselves, they should deter the child from doing so.

Take Care of the Child's Diet:

Children should always have their diets monitored. It is the growing up phase of the child and as such the parents need to ensure that all the nutritional requirements are met. During exams there is a natural accompaniment of some degree of anxiety and nervousness. As such special care must be taken regarding the diet of the child. It ought to be as simple as possible and easily digestible. All fast food and junk food should be avoided as they slow down the digestive system and cause other associated problems. So keep the diet simple and balanced. Once the regular metabolism is smooth, the stress levels will reduce automatically.

Motivation is must for the success:

If your child scores well in the examination then appreciate him and if he doesn't, then motivate him to study more. The appreciation will motivate them to study more so that they can secure much better grades. When score is less, then inspiration is must so that they can stand again with more determination towards studies. If they secure less marks then never scold them as it will divert their mind from studies and make them to start hating studies.

However, one of the most important lessons we need our children to learn is that success is a process, not a destination and that it has many definitions, academic results is just one of many definitions of success. Looking at examinations as a learning process and as a life-skill rather than a monster can help free both students as well as us as parents of exam related stress and anxiety.

Wishing you all green lights. I pray to the almighty to ensure your ward excels in the exams with flying colors. Above everything else, he/she becomes successful in whatever he/she does and becomes a worthy citizen of our nation.

For personalized counseling to manage exam fear, feel free to contact me!

Ananth Prabhu G, PhD

www.facebook.com/educatorananth

Ananth Prabhu G:

Ananth Prabhu G, 31 years old is an author, software engineer, motivational speaker, TV host and educator. BE in CS, MBA in IS, MTech in CS, Diploma in Cyber Laws, PhD in CS under the able guidance of Dr. Ganesh Aithal.

He is an Associate Professor in the Department of Computer Science and Engineering at Sahyadri College of Engineering & Management and Advisor of Vikas PU College, Mangaluru. He has authored two very popular motivational books for Students and Teachers- Little Black Book.

He is also the guest faculty of Cyber Crime and Cyber Law at the Karnataka Police Academy, Mysore and has trained more than 1000 police officers.